The Colonel’s First Story, pt. 3

January 30, 2014.Reading time 3 minutes.

I have been serializing Colonel Birdwhistle’s first story from the book. Click here to start at the beginning: Part 1 .

And now, I submit to you Part 3:

He sat for several minutes facing skyward with a peculiar look on his face. Having lived alongside noise all his military life, he had developed the ability to drown out distractions around him by simply shutting his eyes and focusing on his thoughts. It was a rare gift really. He entered this trance while considering what to say next and was half hoping that Leon would wander off. Finally, an acceptable topic came to mind, and he blurted out the word, “Monkeys!”

The Colonel opened his eyes and looked down to find that his audience had grown. Instead of one plump boy seated in front of him, there were now a dozen children of all shapes and sizes waiting patiently for him to continue. Behind them all stood their mothers as interested as their tots, and Mrs. Dobrey was smiling and nodding to him.

“I like monkeys,” said a pig-tailed little girl up front with her hand on his knee.

Surrounded and outnumbered, he continued, “Young lady, you might not like monkeys if there were hundreds of them and they were everywhere. What was your name?”

“My name is Sally,” said the little girl with a smile.

“Well Sally, do you like rats?” asked the Colonel.

“Ewwww. No. They’re gross.”

“To some degree, in Africa, monkeys are just like rats. Only they are more intelligent and can get into more trouble because they have these,” he held up one hand and pointed to it with the other. “There is almost nothing that a group of cute little monkeys can’t steal. And you know what they want most of all?”

The children said nothing but sat, eyes wide open, waiting for an answer.

“Food. Just the same as what you and I want,” continued the old man, warming to his story. “One of the things I had to do was to make sure that all of our men had enough food, right. Because they couldn’t do anything if they were hungry all the time. So we had these great big ships that came into port full of food and other supplies, and we would have to unload it and put it on carts that would carry everything to the forward post. But the monkeys made it terribly hard to get this done because they were everywhere. There were hundreds of them. So we decided one time to trap the monkeys and um…” he paused looking slowly around at the innocent faces. “Um, relocate them to a different area. Yes, that’s it.”

“If they’re smart, how could you trap them?” asked one of the children.

Part 4

The Colonel’s First Story, pt. 2

January 23, 2014.Reading time 4 minutes.

Over the next few weeks, I am serializing Colonel Birdwhistle’s first story. Click here to start at the beginning: Part 1 .

And now, I submit to you Part 2:

Mrs. Dobrey returned in a moment followed by a boy exactly the opposite of her slight build. Every aspect of him was round, from his trunk to his cherry cheeks. Rolls of fat calves punched out of short pants that were too tight for him. His arms stuck out of his shirt sleeves like dough squeezing out of a tube. A look at the lad, who appeared miserably confined in clothing far too small, elicited a feeling of pity. Looking from mother to son, the Colonel found it hard to believe they were cut from the same cloth. They just didn’t belong together. Yet here they stood, silently looking at the Colonel and expecting something from him.

“Well…hello,” he paused trying to remember the boy’s name, but he could not.

“I’m Leon,” said the boy.

“Yes, yes. Good day, Leon,” said the Colonel. “A fine young lad. I am Colonel Clarence Birdwhistle. I had the pleasure of meeting your mother and she said you might have some interest in me.”

The boy strained his neck to look up at his mother, who smiled back down at her angel and nudged him to redirect his attention. Leon took the correction and once again stood quietly staring at the Colonel, who had no idea how to entertain the child. He cleared his throat, rubbed his mustache and even pretended to be occupied with caring for Oscar, who didn’t help in the ruse at all. He had taken to dozing on the sun-warmed pavement and growled at the interruption from a good nap. Still the boy stood and said nothing. Finally the mother broke the silence.

“Couldn’t you tell him a story from one of your adventures in Africa?” she suggested.

“I suppose I could,” replied the Colonel, uncomfortably shifting in his chair. He cleared his throat once more and searched his memory for something to say. The boy teetered forward and back and came to rest in a seated position with his legs crossed in a most awkward fashion.

“Well, Leon. I can think of something that might interest a boy like you,” began the Colonel. “Do you know what the word cannibal means? It’s a beastly thing, Leon. Practiced only among the low, uncivilized people of the world…” Hearing a loud cough intended to interrupt, he looked up and saw Mrs. Dobrey standing behind the boy flailing her hands in a violent manner and mouthing the word, “NO!”

Taking the obvious cue, he changed direction. “…But that is a tale for another day, my boy. Let me see…. I recall an event when the local witch doctor put a spell on us…” He stopped short as he spied the disapproving mother shaking her head once again. He fell silent as he tried to find an appropriate memory to relay.

Part 3