She came to me as I woke this morning. We greeted many days together while the others slept, my morning flower and me. Kylie was my only early riser and a sweet little sunrise companion. She often invades my thoughts in that twilight of sleep when the mind isn’t quite sure if it is still at rest or engaged for the day – could reality be that the sickness was the dream and she is soon to beg me for a sip of coffee while we whisper to let the rest sleep?
No, it isn’t the case. I felt her clearly this Easter morn as I lay in a strange bed. Through the generosity of friends, we escaped the routine of the holiday where the egg hunts, chocolate bunnies, baskets, and church in frilly dresses leave too big a hole. Too hard. So here I sit on a porch overlooking a quiet lake as the sun rises over the water. My coffee is mine, although I’d give anything for her to mooch it. Why’s as endless as the waves lapping the shore are my only company.
Why did you give her just to take her away?
Why would you let her suffer? Why not take her quietly in the night instead?
Why couldn’t we have had one more week to enjoy the trip she yearned for?
Why? Why? Why?
Why is a bottomless hole.
I am sure the disciples fell into that hole. As they scattered throughout the city afraid for their lives, it had to be their preeminent question. I wonder what their why’s were. I can guess. Why didn’t you fight? Why did you lead us on? Why did I leave my family and career for this? Why?
I have learned that God is not often inclined to answer the question why.
One day, when I get to heaven, I can’t wait to ask him. It’s the very first thing I’ll do…
But wait. Hold on. The why is in the way.
When I get to see Jesus face to face, it will be because of the very atoning sacrifice that we celebrate today. I will see him only because of the death and resurrection that drove those questioning disciples into hiding. When I see him, there will be a little girl with long brown hair and a perfect body holding his hand waiting to introduce me to him. In her other hand she might hold the most sumptuous cup of coffee that she’s been excited to share with me.
Why won’t matter.
Why will have died.
Why is but a temporary distraction.
Why stayed in the tomb.
Whatever your questions today, praise God that through his Son, why only matters a little while.