In a surprise turn of events, I’ve been compared by my eldest daughter to Neil Patrick Harris. Unfortunately, it isn’t for his good looks, charm, or wit. No, I’ve been compared for something else entirely. Her new favorite show is How I Met Your Mother. I’ve never watched it, but she tells me that I remind her of Barney because, and I quote, “You come up with dumb ideas and pursue them passionately.”
Accused of this, I asked the family for examples thinking there might be one or two that came to mind and I could dismiss the charge as teenage overdramatics. Instead, what followed at the dinner table was a litany of hair-brained schemes I’ve had over the years. While my aged mind flutters from one to the next, their young memories file and categorize every crack-pot idea I’ve ever had. I was astounded at how long the list grew and had to agree, many of them were pretty stupid.
- Take for instance, my attempt to woo a cat to live with us. In my defense, I didn’t know he belonged to a neighbor. I met him on my porch one night and started feeding him…and named him…and read to him.
- The running kilt and 5k run dressed up as Jonah complete with a sign saying, “Repent Ninivites!”
- My attempt to prove the existence of Chupacabras (which still goes on).
- Food came up often. Don’t let me around a chocolate fountain – the last time I discovered chocolate-covered Shrimp and hushpuppies (Yum!). Topping the food category were the Twinkie Dog and Spice Cream, both served at Uncle Bubba’s Hot Dog Emporium.
- Llamas in the Basement – a cheap imitation of Goats on the Roof in Tiger, GA, only bigger…and subterranean.
- There was the notorious failed Labor Day kitten capture of a feral cat at my office.
- Goodwill Hawaiian shirts worn on a mission trip to every continent. (2 down, 3 to go)
- The #PartyMark ear bud holders.
- My annual attempts to lure and slap a pelican during our beach vacations.
Last but not least: 2021 – The Year of No Pants. Before you get the idea that I plan on joining a nudist camp, I plan on being pantless appropriately. There are plenty of coverings officially called: Unbifurcated Garments. Kilts, togas, dashiki, gho, sarongs, kimonos, Fustanella, tunics, Männerrock (literally translated as man-skirt) would all be used to cover whilst I remain pantsless. I’ve got it all planned for the year after my youngest daughter leaves for college. I thought that would make them worry a little less about the ramifications of coming home to find Daddy lounging happily in his unbifurcated garments. This is genius! Or as NPH says:
LEGEN- wait for it – DARY!
Misguided passions? I think not. I prefer the term visionary!
See you in 2021!