The King of Feminine Hygiene

Crown_of_Lord_Lyon_King_of_Arms

I have been a good errand runner for many years. I have never minded getting those “things” that need to be got. However, the situation can be comical. Early in our marriage, I learned brand preference – often taking a boxtop as a crutch to make sure. Everything changed after our first daughter was born and the new mama needed something different. My mind isn’t programmed for different.

There I stood looking at an infinite wall of products with no idea what to purchase. I am sure she had given me instructions, but I had no purchase history, no boxtop, no clue. The wall got bigger and bigger while I shrunk into a puddle of indecision.

Until I was rescued by a wonderfully kind, large woman who took pity on me.

“You need some help, honey?” she asked.

“Well, yes, is it that obvious?” I stammered.

“It sure is. What’s the problem?”

“Well, I need to get something for my wife. We just had a baby.”

Her angelic face lit up with joy, “Oh, sweety! How wonderful! Is it a boy or a girl?”

“We had a little girl,” I replied proudly as I dug a picture out to show her.

“She’s just beautiful,” she said. And as if she suddenly plugged into an amplifier, her voice boomed throughout the store while I shrunk even smaller. “WHAT YOU NEED IS NIGHT TIME EXTRA-ABSORBANT…..”

I’ve forgotten whatever else she said. It went on for some time, I think. I will forever appreciate her help, but I have no idea why she had to tell everyone in a five mile radius of the store what I was shopping for. She was spot on with her advice, though.

I was only twenty-eight then. Why it mattered I don’t know. I couldn’t care less now. I have had to do a great deal of shopping lately – and with a wife and three teenage daughters, yes, I have purchased quite a few of those types of products. I don’t flinch anymore. In fact, I like to check out wherever a young boy is working give him to he stink-eye as he handles the carton. I have made more than one blush.

Better yet, when I come home I have even more fun by announcing, “I got your feminine hygiene products.” There is never a “daddy’s home!” parade for that proclamation. No one comes running. They don’t want to hear that from their father. So I deliver them personally to their rooms and make the announcement individually. Lots of rolled eyes and groans.

I don’t mind buying that stuff anymore, but I do have one regret. With four daughters, why didn’t I have the forethought to invest in that stock? If I had done that, I truly would be the King of Feminine Hygiene!

 

Photo attribution: Geni (Photo by user:geni)
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8 thoughts on “The King of Feminine Hygiene

  1. Good thing I wasn’t drinking coffee when I saw this title…my monitor would’ve been splattered! If it’s any consolation when I was a wee little girl and mom made me go to the store for “these” things I turned shades of red and could barely ask a clerk where they were. 🙂

    1. I would have never thought it would have been a problem for a girl, but having had them, I can see why it would be for one not of age. I chuckle a little when I see someone buying he big value packs of toilet paper too…it’s because I’m 7.

  2. Too funny! Don’t you love those eye rolls. As if you had something to do with their needs in the first place. Ha! Thanks also for the kind review. Much appreciated.

    1. Yes, I get the eye rolls and grumbles all of the time. I really enjoyed your book. Had I not been so distracted with life, it would have been very hard to put down. It’s pace is wonderful.

  3. Good man! I live with boys, and they know nothing of such things….spoiled, you might say. I had an emergency stash in my car that my husband found on Mother’s Day. He grumbled a whole lot on the find.

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