My first experience with Dr. P was a week after we discovered our surprise forth pregnancy. I found myself seated uncomfortably on the metal table being interrogated by a very contemplative man half my height, but with an IQ obviously twice mine. He spoke with a fairly thick accent and seemed dubious of my procedure of choice.
Dr. P, “Missa Myers, you seem very young. How old are you?”
Me, “I’m thirty-four.”
Dr. P, “How old your wife?”
Me, “She’s thirty-three.”
Dr. P, “Oh, that very young. You sure you want this?”
Me, “Yes Doctor, I’m sure.”
Dr. P, “You know, this permanent. You might want reversal, but it maybe not work.”
Me, “I know. I’m sure.”
Dr. P, “Your wife sure? She know?”
Me, “Yes, she knows.”
Dr. P, “Okay, you sure. Just one more time I ask, because you maybe not go back?”
Me, “Dr. P, we just found out we were pregnant with our fourth child.”
Momentary pause for contemplation.
Dr. P, “Oh. In that case, why you not come see me sooner?”
He checked a box on his form and left. The procedure came a few weeks later. I’ll mention no specifics except to say that once I was prepped and ready, the quiet, secluded corner room seemed to turn into Grand Central Station. Nurses, accountants, inspectors, magazine vendors, interns, dog walkers, board certifiers, and I think a few pharmaceutical sales reps all of the sudden had important business in my room. Finally the good doctor came and did his work. I left hoping to never see Dr. P again. No offense, but I thought seeing him again meant a fifth bundle of joy. I was wrong.
My second trip to see him came after experiencing some discomfort during a long run. Until then, I had no idea that Urologists did everything! When I went back to the very same room, there sat my friend, Dr. P. who remembered me distinctly.
“How your baby?” Dr. P asked.
Me, “She’s doing great. Six years old now.”
Dr. P, “How old are you?”
Me, “I just turned forty.”
Dr. P, “You know, Missa Myers, we start thinking about prostate health at this age…”
I’ll leave the rest to the imagination. Based on my experience with Dr. P, I have some advice for men.
First, when your Urologist asks you your age, consider carefully the ramifications of the question.
Second, when you are greeted by your friendly Urologist, remember that his hands have been places that my dog’s nose only dreams about.
I poke fun at my interaction with Dr. P, but men’s health issues are not a laughing matter. Fortunately, I only had a couple of kidney stones that were easily blasted out. Get checked when it is time to get checked, men. Others are counting on you!