My wife and I spent the weekend in Vegas, BABY!

It’s not what you think. We aren’t really the Vegas type. There was a charity event we were invited to attend and it was filled with lovely people doing amazing work. That part of our trip was truly a beautiful experience.

Other parts were more alarming to my sense of dignity. In fact, I wondered how the people we met at the event reconciled their existence in Las Vegas with the rest of what I saw until I was told that the average citizen never goes down to the strip unless they work there. It may be the reason for the city, but it is also the reason residents avoid the city.

Despite all of its perverse charm, the people watching in Las Vegas is exquisite. So many questions churn in the mind as you take in the experience. In no particular order, I present my top 20 questions:

1. Dear old man, what is the allure of playing slots alone the entire hour my wife and I are eating lunch?
2. What must I do to get my bathrobe put in a rotating display case in a casino?
3. To the kid with the cardboard sign, Help Me Buy Weed – do you think we all didn’t see that on the internet and if you have a connection, why do you need my change?
4. Who shops at Victoria’s Secret… in the airport?

   

5. Can you make one retail store without slot machines?
6. To the parents playing blackjack while their two children slept in strollers… Really?
7. How can I pay a cabby when all of your ATM’s only dispense $100 bills?
8. How many regrets come out of the tattoo parlor in the hotel/casino lobby?
9. If you could harness the collective ego of the young men strutting down the strip, could you power the entire city?
10. Young ladies, are the hotel lobbies really the suitable place for you to audition to be showgirls?

    

11. How many psychologists specializing in ways to pull money out of my pocket are employed by the city?
12. What happened to the cheap food and free buffets?
13. Did the drunk buying diamonds for his wife, girlfriend, or current table partner at the jewelry store in the casino lobby really think his purchase through?
14. Is the richest guy in Vegas a casino owner or a plastic surgeon?

    

15. How were normal-looking, middle aged people still living the night before when we were checking out to catch our red-eye flight home?
16. Is an ill-fitted, expensive dress really fashion or is it just another in a long list of poor choices?
17. If you need that many security guards, are you running a casino or a debtors prison?
18. Is a Vegas hotel lobby at 5 am the closest thing to a zombie apocalypse?
19. When do they clean anything in a casino?
20. Did I just pass Elvis at the Bellagio fountains?

If you’ve had the pleasure of experiencing Vegas, did you have any questions I left out?