Gift Advice for Men

December 9, 2013.Reading time 5 minutes.

Timeless advice from George Lee’s monthly feature in the Portsong Guardian, circa 1926

.

I shouldn’t assume that all you men realize Christmas is upon us. It is hunting season in some places and we tend to be a distracted group. Therefore, I will begin by making two statements to you men who have wives, fiancées, or girlfriends:

First: Christmas is in two weeks.

Second: You are expected to get something for her.

Now that we’ve passed the obvious, let’s talk a little about the word “something”. It can be a tricky word. Do not substitute “anything” for it, anything won’t do. She is expecting something special, something that says you know her, her dreams, and her desires better than anyone else on the planet. Are you scared yet? If not, hand her a can of motor oil or a pack of playing cards on Christmas morn and watch the sparks fly! Here are some friendly reminders of things that will NOT promise satisfaction and smooth sailing on Christmas morning:

1. Anything that is for “us”. If it is for “us”, it is really for you. Rule of thumb: if you will touch, watch, listen to, or carry it more than 15% of the time, it is for you not her.

2. Anything automobile related. Give her car wax or leather cleaner and get ready to sleep in the back seat of your beloved motorcar for a few days.

3. Things intended to make her homemaking job easier. This includes kitchen and cleaning items. Again, see point 1, these things are for you – to make you more food or a tidier home. Either that or they say she isn’t doing a good job and needs help.

4. Items of clothing that are not her style, but looked good on a model or advertisement. In fact, unless you are absolutely, 100% sure of the size, stay away from clothing altogether. I’ve heard horror stories about men who gave their size 4 wives a size 8 dress and left the hospital sometime after New Year’s Day.

5. Gag gifts. Jokes are funny on April first, but not on Christmas. I made this mistake with Harriet once early in our marriage. When they wired our house for electricity, I found she often left lights on. So I thought it would be humorous to give her a light switch with a chain for a necklace. It didn’t work as a present or a reminder. Needless to say, I never ventured down that path again.

6. Anything found near the register at the store. She goes there, she’ll know. Those are called impulse items and she won’t have an impulse to kiss you any time soon.

7. Be wary of things that plug in. I’m from a bygone generation, but I thought a new radio was a stellar gift for Harriet one year. I listened to it alone until June and she still curls her nose up a little every time I click on the The J.W. Terwiliger Hour of Talent.

I suppose the best way to decide on a gift for her is to watch and listen to her, not to that inner voice that says you can finish this shopping thing quickly and be before kick-off. Games will always be there, will she?

George Lee is the resident Sage of Portsong, husband to Harriet and father of Dorothy, Henry, and Sally. Folks from all over town stop by Greynote Insurance to get his advice. If you’re in need of a word of wisdom, or term life coverage, feel free to stop by his office at the corner of Maple & Harvey Street for whichever type of quote suits you.

Presidential MEN

December 5, 2013.Reading time 2 minutes.

I’ve been having to do some research lately with one of my daughters on some of the Presidents of the United States. I do not care for politics and this is most definitely not a political blog, unless you count Mayor Shambley’s posts. He is always glad-handing the citizens for a vote. While I don’t keep track of politics, I do love history. Anyway, we were talking about one president and I stated that he is a great example of a man’s man. Having all girls, I had to define the term, but found it difficult to do so. A website called wisegeek.org defines it this way:

A man’s man is a man who engages in activities that are traditionally viewed as masculine, and who earns the respect of other men. Such men may also be described as “manly,” emphasizing their masculine personality. They tend to be domineering, confident, and bold, because these character traits are reinforced by traditional gender roles.

We got past that discussion and talked about some of the men who had been president. You have to include generals such as Eisenhower, Washington, and Grant in the discussion. But I settled on two: Andrew Jackson and Teddy Roosevelt. Although a hero in two wars, Jackson would never have been electable today. His fiery temperament caused him to shoot and kill a man in a duel for disparaging his wife. In fact, on the last day of the presidency, Jackson admitted that he had but two regrets, that he “had been unable to shoot Henry Clay or to hang John C. Calhoun.”

Theodore Roosevelt coined the phrase, “speak softly and carry a big stick,” and he lived that way. Cowboy, Rough Rider, Colonel during the Spanish-American War, big game hunter. He was the definition of the term man’s man. AND, this picture would indicate that he carried Virgil Creech like a field manual through it all.