Those Four Little Words

My wife said those four little words that every husband wants to hear this weekend. In fact, she said them several times. She screamed those words in the basement, called to me from the kitchen, and even whispered them in the bedroom. It was a really good weekend. I love those words. After 26 years of marriage, I don’t hear them nearly often enough. But when they waft from her lips to my ears, they keep the fire burning.

Of course, like any dutiful husband, when she said them I willingly complied. No matter where I was in the house I came running. With a smile on my face I performed my duty to the best of my ability. I used to be quicker, but I was a young buck then – more concerned with just getting the job done than savoring the job itself.

I’m sorry if this is making you uncomfortable. I realize it has gotten a little personal, but I must say that I’m proud of my performance over the weekend. If I sat around with the fellas at the gym and regaled them with how many times she uttered those words to me in the past few days, I’d get high fives, “atta boys”, and maybe even a chest bump or two. I’d be a legend.

What do you imagine those words to be?

“Come here, big boy.”

“The kids are asleep.”

“Let’s get it on.”

 

Nah… Not even close.

My wife uttered the phrase that keeps me coming back:

 

“Just throw it away!”

 

I love those four little words!

From her lips to my aching back – we did it. We did it over and over again. We threw stuff away like a pair of wild rabbits cleaning out their borrow for spring.

This summer, the family has cleaned out several basement rooms, bedrooms, and more  closets than I knew we had. Over the long weekend I made multiple trips to the dump and Goodwill. It was awesome! Possibly the best weekend I’ve had in a long time.

It also begs the question, “How did we get so much stuff?”

It is seriously crazy how much junk one couple can compile. We aren’t at all rich. It’s not great stuff. It’s just stuff. There was half a storage room crammed full of things we haven’t touched since we moved into our house 19 years ago. It’s all gone now.

Wives, do you want to breath life into that relationship? Then softly whisper those four little words into his ear. Unless he’s the hoarder, I assure you he’ll respond.

Husbands, listen for once! This is how you keep a marriage alive. Spend some time throwing out the dead weight together – As long as you’re not the dead weight, disposing of it is sure to satisfy.

Tell Me Again, About the Rabbits

This year has been an odd one for me because I have read much more than I’ve written. I began working down a list of the “100 greatest works of fiction.” I had read many of them, but I found two giant holes in my library: modern books and American literature. So I dove into Harry Potter, The Help, and Game of Thrones interspersed with Melville, Hemingway, and Steinbeck.

That last one, Steinbeck… he hit me in the teeth with Of Mice and Men. I respect his ability to pack such deep, meaningful characters and a heartbreaking story into 112 pages. That is genius. Most authors today seem to write for the trilogy or get so enamored with their own words that 112 pages is barely a back-story. It also hit me because I could identify with Lennie and the rabbits.

The impoverished and simple Lennie just dreams of holding a rabbit in his palm and stroking its soft fur. But he can’t. He can’t and never will. So he constantly begs George for stories about the rabbits.

bunnyTell me again, about the rabbits

The rabbits represent something of substance that a hopeless drifter has no chance of claiming. The rabbits are a thing just out of reach – a dream that could never come true. That thing we want, but cannot have.

We’ve all dreamed of things we couldn’t have. Sometimes it’s a person or a relationship. Often it is just that we want more: more money, more stuff, more recognition. More would make it better and fill the void.

Most of the things we spend our time dreaming about are material. With the right preparation, bankroll, or a stroke of luck, they could be attained. But like Lennie, the thing I want I cannot have. I want it so badly that I often feel my bones ache to fill the void.

Tell me again, about the rabbits

Labor Day Weekend four years ago brought news that Kylie’s cancer treatment had failed. We were scheduled for a five-day hospital stay; but they sent us home while they planned a new course. Because of the unanticipated time with her sisters, Kylie was thrilled. But that news marked the beginning of a downward spiral. We never got ahead of the cancer until we lost her months later.

I will never hold her again, or hear her say “daddy”, or see how she reacts to the attention of boys. I’ll never be able to see her on stage, share a cup of coffee, or walk her down the aisle. Those are things I want and cannot have. I can never have. I will never have.

Contentment is elusive when you see people all around holding their rabbits and your rabbit is but a memory.

But along with the ache that comes from wanting something you will never have comes a paradox. While I live in jealousy of rabbitful families, I don’t begrudge them their rabbits. I want everyone to have their own and joyfully hold them forever. I just want mine, too.

Tell me again, about the rabbits

And so, like Lennie, I dream. I am a drifter in this life who dreams an impossible dream about holding a thing I will never again hold. I smile, I work, I play, I have laughter and fun… and yet the allure of the rabbit’s soft fur always tugs at my heart. It’s a beautiful dream that necessarily awakens to a sobering reality. My palm is empty… there is no rabbit. There will never and can never be a rabbit.

Tell me again, about the rabbits

Lennie settles for stories about rabbits and so must I… in this life.

But I believe there is a day coming when my dream will come true… when Kylie will take my hand and show me a land of promise and reward to which no work of fiction can compare. That belief, though resolute, rarely makes the waiting here easier. I see now that this life will be difficult until that day.

But still, I will dream.

Tell me again, about the rabbits

bunny