The Key to Relationship Bliss

It’s an odd thing to accept that your daughter’s boyfriend isn’t going away. No, we even got him a Christmas present this year. He’s a fixture. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a good kid and treats her very well. It’s just that I used to be a part of her profile picture and now it’s the two of them. Instead of Daddy the Great, I’m the old guy who barks at them to keep it down at midnight. The transition was sudden.

I knew it had to happen, and I’m actually glad it did. I want all of my girls to grow up and be independent. After all, I have big plans for their rooms when they go. Each will be a strategic part of what I have deemed The Naked Corridor. I figure I will be able to shift locations for weeks without the Crazy Pants Lady trying to cover me up. But I digress.

Odder than her having the boyfriend is that I have now actually given him relationship advice on how to keep my daughter happy. All 20 year-old boys are clueless sometimes (Heck, so are 47 year-olds). He often reminds me of another boy who dipped his toe into several very short relationship pools until he figured out that one must consider how his actions affect the other swimmer before he acts.Bichon maltais blanc assis & coquin sur fond blanc

That’s the key isn’t it? If you want to have a healthy relationship of any kind, you have to consider how every nuance of what you are doing or intend to do will affect the other participant until at some point, that consideration becomes automatic. Oh, I’m not perfect. Just ask LW – she would laugh and tell you many stories of times I have subverted and nearly destroyed our relationship. Twenty-two years of marriage is a testament to her patience, not my consideration. Still, I try.

And so, I gave the young pup my number one tip on making a relationship work. Gather round boys and listen. Here it is. A Pearl of Wisdom sought after by lonely sailors and bachelors for centuries. You all ready?  Put the toilet seat down.

That’s it. It’s so easy, but it is the absolute key to happiness.

You scoff, but think about it. We men navigate life with barely a rational thought in our mind. We get accustomed to routine and tend to expect the world to mold into our flow. As stated before and confirmed by years of experimentation in selfishness, that type of thinking doesn’t work in a relationship with the fairer sex. Sick of cleaning up our mess, our mothers drilled into our heads for years the need to lift the lid until it became routine. We even did it in our sleep (most of the time). When we learn to put the seat back down for the lady who may follow us into the bathroom, we have ceased being senseless drones and started thinking about someone else.

I submit that putting the toilet seat down is the first step toward a life of consideration.

So I told him. Not in a mean way, just in a “You’ll be better off” kind of way. I don’t know if he is permanent. Only time will tell. I like him enough to invest a little bit here and there. He’ll do better with my daughter or future women when he takes to heart this lesson I’ve so graciously bestowed. Plus, if my butt gets wet one more time, I just might have to wring his neck!

Honesty Has a Smell

A relaxing morning, cooler temperatures, a good run, and a mystery to be solved. That’s what greeted me on Sunday. What started off as an excellent day devolved into a conspiracy against me! The evidence piled up early until I had no other option but to come to the conclusion that I am not trusted in my home when it comes to selecting fragrances.cp

No one would tell me this shocking news, of course. I had to figure it out on my own. Since my littlest’s sickness means my wife stays with her most of the time, I must do a good portion of the shopping. I am up to the task. I have now purchased things I didn’t know we used, needed, or even existed. One of those things is fragrance products. Did you know there is a whole store that just sells that? I knew about air fresheners, baking soda, and odor-eaters, but do we really need a store.

The aforementioned little one currently loves bubble bath – which apparently, they only sell at the smell store. So I volunteered the previous day to go and get her more. When I did so, I noticed a few sneers and strange looks around the room. Never did I think they would stoop so low as to plot an underhanded way to keep me from helping. But that’s just what they did.

I believe in honesty! If someone has an issue with me, tell me. I would much rather someone tell me that my pants are too tight and my shirt too puffy than let me walk around all day looking like a foolish pirate. I guess this is a value I have been lax in instilling in my children…

On our way home from church, we passed the smell store. When I suggested to the two daughters present that we stop in, I got fumbling excuses about homework and hunger. I should have known something was amiss right then. I mean, when do they ever want to do homework?

Arriving at home, pizza appeared from nowhere along with cold Dr. Pepper. I was ushered to the TV where the Falcons game was already cued up on the DVR. Hmmmm….

Lulled into a football coma, three hours passed as my team got pushed around by their opponent. Likewise, I got manhandled by five delicate females. Angry about the game, I grabbed my keys to go – only to find that the purchases had already been made.

I was going to get something exotic, tropical… something that would have let her float away to an island retreat… Whatever scent I picked would have soothed her beyond all her troubles. It would have uplifted her mood and spirits just to reflect on its glorious scent. My choices were as endless as a box a crayons:

Warm Vanilla Sugar

Peace, Love & Daisies

Pure Paradise

Endless Weekend


Why wouldn’t they let me? Why?

None would make eye contact with me as I probed for an answer, leaving me:






Finally the little one said, “Dad, you like the smell of your farts.”

And there it is! Honesty! That’s all I’m asking for.                  Wait… Huh?