The Old School Ghost

October 30, 2013.Reading time 4 minutes.

Halloween is upon us with its goblins, zombies, candy, and lines of trick-or-treaters. It is easily one of the best days of the year to be a boy! When else can you tease girls with fake spiders, jump out of small spaces to startle your teacher, or hold stuff oozing fake blood without getting in trouble? Without a doubt it would be Virgil Creech’s favorite holiday.

All week, I’ve been pondering the question; what costume would Virgil choose? This led me to a bit of research and I found out that children in the United States didn’t go door to door begging for candy until the 1940’s. Bummer for Virge. But being fictional, we can lift our friend out of the 20’s and bring him along with us for fun.

Halloween isn’t the same now as it was for me. At our house these days, we get a sporadic knock on the door and open it to a group of children with protective moms and dads holding flashlights close behind them. The kids mostly have store-bought, plastic costumes that can’t be near an open flame and more often than not, I have to coax them into saying “trick or treat.” Typically, they just stand their holding their plastic pumpkins like I am some great candy genie. I know, I know, the times are not the same and safety concerns are vastly different today. Nonetheless, it is rather disappointing.

In the 70’s, we made costumes out of our parents old clothes, took the neighborhood by storm with our pillow cases, and were fully prepared to play a trick on the guy who gave out coupons. There were so many kids roaming the streets that we had to wait our turn in front of doors where the families were giving out full candy bars. We held those houses in high regard year-round and sneered for months whenever we passed a house whose lights had been turned off on October 31st. That poor family might have been out of town or sick in the hospital, but the lack of candy was quite an insult to the snubbed neighborhood kids.

Here’s a picture of me as a youngster.
I was a very sad ghost that year because for some reason, I refused to put anything over my face. Not so scary with my chubby cheeks. My parents improvised and used my grandfather’s Navy hat for me to have something white on my head.

That leads me to the conclusion that Virgil would be an old-school sheet ghost. He would stay out long enough to get plenty of candy, but his main concern would be scaring the kids all over town. He’d have his tricks all lined up in advance and any props he needed pre-set. The terror he caused would be eclipsed only by his laughter after the trick was played. It would be a grand night in Portsong for the youngest Creech.

Yes, my friend Virgil would love Halloween!

We here in Portsong wish you a happy and safe evening…Mwahaha!

Virgil’s Grooming Tips for Boys

October 28, 2013.Reading time 5 minutes.

As a boy, the last thing you need in the morning is a mirror. That’s wasted wall space, I say! I don’t know about you, but I’ve got about three minutes from the time I finally wake up until the first school bells ring. So checking my hair just ain’t gonna happen. Teachers don’t really care what you look like, as long as you’re in your seat when class starts. Once in a while my teacher will get a little angry if my hair is standing so high that little Myra Holsted behind me can’t see, or if it’s so ratty that a kid like Myra can’t quit looking at it. Ms. Singer calls it a distraction, but I think she’s just jealous that I’m getting attention.

It all starts when mom gets you out of bed. After she makes whatever threat finally gets you to sit up, you should run your hands over your head to see what’s going on up there. Most of the time, you’ll find one of three things:

1. The Rooster Tail Those are my favorite. They won’t sit down for nothing. It doesn’t matter if you pour a whole cup of water on your head, it’ll pop right back up like a spring. A rooster tail tells the world, “I’m messy and proud of it!”

2. The Crazy Cowlick It’s like a tornado on your head. The more you mess with it, the more it swirls out of control. Good luck trying to figure out a way to cover it up – whatever style your ma makes you try, it’ll storm right back out madder than before. Might as well shave it. But a warning, moms get mad when you cut your own hair. I’m not sure why, but once I cut my cowlick and it looked ugly like a big old capital Q on my head AND I got paddled – Not a banner day.

3. The Pork Chop This is a big lump in your hair that can show up anywhere, but mostly comes in the back where your head rested on the pillow. Even if you do look in the mirror, you likely can’t see the pork chop anyway. I’ve had them big enough to hide a book or my lunch pail inside. Water can tame this one, but I like them because people have to stand further away from you than normal. When you have a pork chop, it’s like having a little bubble between you and the other kids in your class.

The whole key to this is getting out the door without mom grabbing you for an inspection. If you get caught, she is bound to try and fix what you worked all night to make. Worse yet, she’ll likely use her finger as a spit comb, which even I think is gross. History would show that if I spit on someone’s hair, I get in big trouble! But she can hold me down and rub her spit all over my head to make me look better? Where’s the right in that? Anyway, she’s usually in the kitchen when I get going and I’m so fast that most days I can zoom out the front door before she ever sees me. If I hear her milling around by the stairs, I throw a flat cap on and make a dash for open air. I don’t like wearing caps much because most boys have them nowadays and I like to be different.

You got any hair tips for me?