Dear Kylie… Love, Kendall

February 14, 2016.Reading time 6 minutes.

Dear Kylie,

I don’t know where to begin. I’ve wanted to write this for weeks now. I keep putting it off because I know writing it out will hurt, but it hurts anyway. There are so many things I want to say to you because it’s been a year. I never thought I’d go an entire year without talking to you and I never wanted to. In fact this has been the worst year of my life solely because I can’t talk to you. I haven’t seen your smile or heard your voice in so long and pictures and videos just aren’t the same. I miss you, Kylie, but it’s more than that. I missed you when you spent days in the hospital and when you were in Charlotte, but it was never like this. Sometimes I miss you so much my heart physically hurts; I didn’t even know that was possible. Too much has changed in the past year. Sometimes I fear you may not recognize me. Before I sat down to write this, I spent four hours with other people by choice! I know you have some joke to make about that, I just wish I could hear it.

Dear Kylie… Love, Mommy

February 13, 2016.Reading time 8 minutes.

Dear precious Kylie,

I have thought for weeks about what to say to you, in fact I’ve said most of it to you already since I talk to you all the time. The written word has always held a huge place in my life. My career has been words. But ever since you got sick they have all dried up inside me. It’s as if the agony has just been too much, and I haven’t really wanted to write it down to stare back at me in the hard reality of black and white.

But here I sit, in a quiet room, without your voice drifting to me from some other part of the house. Without your smile lighting up the room. Without your head nestled on my shoulder. Without your laughter lifting my spirits. Without your hand grasping mine. And even without words it is all too real. Read More