Tax Day – But I’m not Bitter

I think April 15th would be the worst birthday to have. There are two kinds of people as it relates to taxes – those who get a check and those who have to send a check. If you have to send a check (like me), you grudgingly hold onto it until the last minute and mail it on April 14th, leaving you broke and unable to buy a present for your friend with a birthday the following day. If you get a check, you filed in early February. Since you considered the return a sudden windfall, you blew it on something frivolous like a snowcone maker, leaving you no residual to buy a present for your friend with the worst birthday of the year.

Conversely, there would be something extremely cool about being a leap baby and having February 29th as your birthday.

1040_formThat tidbit is irrelevant today since I just had to write a check to the United States Treasury! Oh, I understand that it costs to provide government services. I know it has to come from the citizens. I just hate filling that out on the check – and then they want me to Fed X it or pay extra for a return confirmation. I’m sorry, but aren’t I paying for the postal service to be sufficient to deliver your money to you? If you have any doubts whether the man in blue who just took my envelop can discharge his duty properly, shouldn’t you institute a better employee screening process instead of charging me another $4.50?

I’m not bitter, though. Not at all.

But while I’m on the subject, I remember when I took my first baby home from the hospital in mid-December. When I did my taxes, I felt like I had cheated the world since I got a deduction for the entire year and she only cost me for two weeks. That was eighteen years ago. So this year I lost the tax credit for her because she turned eighteen. I love her dearly, but like most children, she is complete financial dead weight – all cost, little contribution. And let me tell you Mr. United States Treasury, she costs considerably more now at eighteen than she did at one. I’d trade diapers and formula for cell phones, clothes, gas and car insurance any day.The_taxes_by_Orlov

I’m not bitter, though. Not at all.

I could go on, about paying into a social security system that I am assured will not exist when I am of age to need it. That’s why I had four kids, they are a kind of a retirement plan for me. I figure I can rotate a week a month at each of their houses and mooch off them just to pay them back. I’ll refuse to wear pants, make odd noises and smells, and sit on the front porch complaining about the government all day.

I’m not bitter, though. Not at all…


Photo credit: Robert N. Dennis Collection of Stereoscopic Views
Artwork: The Taxes by Orlov

20 thoughts on “Tax Day – But I’m not Bitter

  1. Brilliant! Here in the UK income tax is taken from weekly/monthly income as we are paid throughout the year. 99% of the population never see/do a tax return.

    We are not bitter the whole year – every year! Not at all!

  2. Mark, brilliant piece. I had already “almost” forgotten the six figure check I also mailed yesterday. It doesn’t bother as much as it used to though. I guess getting older has it’s benefits. One thing that still gets to me though is the $5,000 it cost me to find out how much I owe. Ridiculous!!! Keep smiling my friend. Still praying for you and your family.

  3. “I’ll refuse to wear pants, make odd noises and smells, and sit on the front porch complaining about the government all day.”
    –Sooooo funny. I had to laugh out loud, once again.
    But you’re not bitter though eh 🙂

  4. glad you are not bitter and your retirement plan sounds very similar to mine. i have told each of my 3 daughters that i will live with each of them for 4 months a year, on a rotating basis and hopefully they each live in a warm climate. they told me that they’ve discussed it and it would be worth it for everyone to just pitch in for an apartment and a friendly nurse for me. ) hmmmm……..

  5. My daughter and son-in-law built me an in-law suite. It’s in another state though.What’s that all about? I’m not bitter though. Not at all 🙂

    Great piece Mark 🙂

  6. HaHa we decided to reverse the grown children moving back home trend. We SOLD our home and moved in with our child. She gets her upstairs room and we get the run of the house all day. I’m not bitter, but she might be!! Praying for you guys. Glad your girl is eating.

  7. I like the fact that you are not bitter; I totally get it, not bitter at all, just laying it out there: all the things paying out to Uncle Sam is causing you, I get it. Not bitter at all:)

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