Hurt By Church

January 26, 2014.Reading time 3 minutes.

I had an unusual conversation Friday night. A friend of mine (I’ll call him Redleg) and I were together with a man who was hurt by the church – and he’s not going back. He was very open about it and I found the dialogue very interesting. It sounded like he was very active in a large church at some point, but now he isn’t. In fact, his theology has totally changed to a “many roads lead to God” type of belief system, and he admittedly doesn’t care about eternity. At some point, he let it slip that it all hinged on how the church reacted to his divorce. A linchpin. He got hurt and that was it.

Nothing was solved. We listened and tried to encourage him before our time together was over. I’ve heard about people such as this, and quite frankly, I’ve been disillusioned by church over the past couple of years also. In fact, my family is winding down a year long search for a new place of worship. So I could totally sympathize with his resentment toward how he was treated. But whatever happened caused him to abandon his faith and that makes me sad.

The thing I’m still wondering about happened after he had left though. Redleg and I honed in on two totally different aspects of the man’s dilemma. I lamented how the church reacted while Redleg felt as though the man was running from truth. I know the Bible is firmly against divorce, as am I. I further know that we need to speak truth and be a light to those around us. But I couldn’t help think that if the confrontation had been handled in love, this man might not be floundering in his faith.

Somehow, truth and love have to coexist. Is the modern church doomed if they can’t? Redleg is a “truther”, and I’m a “lover” – and we are still friends. We admittedly don’t know the entire circumstance that brought this man to where his is, but isn’t it odd how two believers went totally different directions in response to it?

(photo credit: Nicholas A. Tonelli)

Seeing Lovely

January 9, 2014.Reading time 3 minutes.

The oddest thing happened. My wife put this picture of our family that had been taken on Christmas Eve up on ‘TheFacebook’ and it got over 100 likes.I realize that’s not odd. People are typically nice and will like anything that scrolls along their wall. What I found odd were some of the comments about how one child looked exactly like me, another looked like my wife, and this one is so tall, etc. I found myself scrutinizing the photograph like an FBI criminologist to see if what they said was right. Turns out, some were. How has it escaped me that my youngest looks like my wife? Or her sister’s smile is just like mine? The oldest two used to resemble us, but don’t so much anymore. I think that’s new, isn’t it? I see these people every day – how am I missing these details? What else am I neglecting to see?

Also strange was the number of times a picture including me was described as beautiful, gorgeous, or lovely. I’ve long given up on being beautiful, and I’m okay with it. I’d honestly rather be “rugged”, or “dashing” or something else that sounds equally outdoorsy and masculine. Okay, so I do know that I’m blessed to be standing between a beautiful wife and four equally beautiful daughters. A thorn among roses, as it were. The comments were for them and me by association. I get that. But do I miss even that sometimes? Like I said, I see them every day – the highlight reel and behind-the-scenes looks. Am I so dense as to miss such beauty God has put in my life?

But we all miss it sometimes, don’t we?

I had to snap this picture of the blood-red sky on the ride in to work a few weeks ago. Gorgeous, unique, stunning. But is the crystal blue sky I see every other day any less beautiful?

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Philippians 4:8

I enjoy the flow of the verse and maybe too often miss the instruction. Think… Think on these things. Don’t just let them happen around me. God has placed lovely things all around you and me. When all I can see is base, unjust, and ugly, I will choose to think on lovely things. Oh, and I’ll look at my girls more too!