If You Give a Mouse a Cookie – A Cautionary Husband’s Tale

If you give your wife a gallon of paint, she’ll probably hand you the brush.

When she hands you the brush, she will likely want the bathroom painted quickly.

When the bathroom is painted, she will notice the rust on the shower curtain rod.

Once the curtain rod is new, she’ll say it needs a new curtain.

After the shower curtain is replaced, she will point out that the towels don’t match.

When she buys new towels, she’ll discover the towel holders are old.

In replacing the towel holders, you’ll probably make large holes in the drywall.

After you patch the holes you made, you’ll have to repaint that part of the wall.

coffee-couple-illustration-vintage-Favim.com-201325

Just when you think you’re finished, you’ll notice you spilled paint on the carpet.

When you scream (potentially a naughty word) in anger, your wife will say “Oh well, we need tile anyway.”

After you tile the bathroom, she’ll mention the toilet doesn’t belong.

When the new toilet is installed, you’ll glare at your betrothed and wonder what she will happen upon next.

Your wife, in return, will peck you on the cheek and say, “This looks good, darling. Come have a seat in your chair. I made you fresh cookies. Want some milk? Oh, and while you’re here, have you seen the state of the den?”

husband

 

This cautionary tale is partially fiction. My lovely wife was very satisfied with the paint, shower curtain rod, shower curtain, and towels – after I fixed holes I made in the drywall and may or may not have used a potty word (tree falling in the forest).

Regardless… Husbands – heed the moral of the story:

Don’t ever believe that a gallon of paint promising to be a $25 room refresh will cost only $25!

 

A Biblical Word

When you’re playing the pastor’s wife in Words With Friends, you should get bonus points for playing a Biblical word, but for some reason your Wifefilter makes you play “yes”, instead.

There were more points with “yes” – but oh, the tragedy of lost comedic value!
 

And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab.  

Numbers 22:21