If You Give a Mouse a Cookie – A Cautionary Husband’s Tale

If you give your wife a gallon of paint, she’ll probably hand you the brush.

When she hands you the brush, she will likely want the bathroom painted quickly.

When the bathroom is painted, she will notice the rust on the shower curtain rod.

Once the curtain rod is new, she’ll say it needs a new curtain.

After the shower curtain is replaced, she will point out that the towels don’t match.

When she buys new towels, she’ll discover the towel holders are old.

In replacing the towel holders, you’ll probably make large holes in the drywall.

After you patch the holes you made, you’ll have to repaint that part of the wall.


Just when you think you’re finished, you’ll notice you spilled paint on the carpet.

When you scream (potentially a naughty word) in anger, your wife will say “Oh well, we need tile anyway.”

After you tile the bathroom, she’ll mention the toilet doesn’t belong.

When the new toilet is installed, you’ll glare at your betrothed and wonder what she will happen upon next.

Your wife, in return, will peck you on the cheek and say, “This looks good, darling. Come have a seat in your chair. I made you fresh cookies. Want some milk? Oh, and while you’re here, have you seen the state of the den?”



This cautionary tale is partially fiction. My lovely wife was very satisfied with the paint, shower curtain rod, shower curtain, and towels – after I fixed holes I made in the drywall and may or may not have used a potty word (tree falling in the forest).

Regardless… Husbands – heed the moral of the story:

Don’t ever believe that a gallon of paint promising to be a $25 room refresh will cost only $25!


20 thoughts on “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie – A Cautionary Husband’s Tale

  1. “We” decided to do a bit of updating to our guest bath which shares a wall (how convenient) with the master bath. What started as a $10,000 upgrade to one bath turned into a $150,000 remodel of half of the first floor. The fatal phrase is, “well, since they (electrician, plumber, etc) are already here we might as well…”

    I’m sure your new bath is lovely! And if only one expletive was uttered you’re to be commended!

      1. It was only half of the first floor. Two bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, and a study!

  2. My wife is a bit more direct. Last autumn, she said, “There is nothing wrong with the kitchen that a small nuclear device would not solve.”

    If only I had a small nuclear device – it would have saved a ton of money.

    1. Kitchens get so tricky – nothing is cheap in that room. But the fallout from the nuclear weapon would have carried to the den and beyond.

  3. Very timely as I am considering buying a gallon of paint for the bathroom. I do think the flooring needs to be updated, maybe the mirrors too. I think I am going to go make some cookies!

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