Dear Kylie, (part 2)

Dear Kylie,

Tomorrow marks a year since you left. I miss you so bad it hurts. I hope you have had time to read all of the beautiful letters people wrote to you. It isn’t just me and your family who miss you. You left a ginormous hole for a fairly small girl.

Kylie belly0001Since we can’t have you here with us, we watch videos of you all the time. We have our favorites. Annie is one, of course. Also, we laughed and laughed about the Disney cruise when you missed mommy and wouldn’t stay at the kids’ camps. Our little pager said: Kylie would like to be picked up at Monstro Point Kylie would like to be picked up at Animator’s Pallet. When I interviewed you to see what your favorite parts of the day were, I asked you what you did when you didn’t want to stay and you said, “Um, cwied”. There was no remorse in your little voice.

Um, cwied” is our family catchphrase now.

I’m kind of nervous to tell you this next part. I’ve got two tattoos – okay three but I’m not counting the little dot I got to show it you didn’t hurt when you had to get marked for radiation. You let me get that one! I know you would be mortified and I’m sorry. One is the Smiley for Kylie logo and the other is the penguin picture you drew me for the marathon. You told me to “run daddy, run, then waddle home to me.” I’m trying to run. I figure the best way to run is to keep on telling people about you – your faith, your joy, and the cancer that we need to kill. Someday I will waddle home to you and I’m kind of ready for that. Does that sound weird – that I’m kind of sick of this place and ready to see you again? It’s true. Nothing is the same without you. I’m not going to jump in front of a bus anytime soon, but I would be the first to push someone out of the way.

I did go ahead and run the marathon that I was training for before you died. Okay, I walked a lot. My worst time by far, but I finished. I still run so I don’t turn into fat daddy again, but not as far as I used to. I’m spending most of my time writing.

I’m finally releasing the last Virgil Creech book that we started reading together. I think its pretty good – I wish you had gotten to finish it. I wonder if you just know how it ends since you are up there. Hey, if there’s a library can you get it in for me? Maybe stash it in Charles Dickens’ backpack when he’s not looking?

I’m glad I finished that because mostly I write about YOU now! My blog gets a lot more readers (when you are the subject) and I am working on a book about things you did to take back your joy from cancer. I think it could help people who have to go through hard times like you did. Sometimes I can only smile because you taught me how. You showed me that every minute is precious and joy can be unearthed anywhere if you dig deep enough. You were chock full of amazing.

imageOh, Kylie. I miss you so much. I know I said it before, but it’s true. I miss seeing your smile and hearing your giggle. I miss watching you perform. We went to Broadway, but it wasn’t the same without you. You got your Broadway debut, though! It should have been on a stage, but it was on a billboard instead. Lots of people saw it. You are making a difference.

I guess I just wanted to say I love you, I miss you, I’m sorry, and I will never forget you. You are the inspiration for everything I do from now until that glorious day when I get to hold you again.

You and me for always,

Daddy

 

 

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21 thoughts on “Dear Kylie, (part 2)

  1. “I’m kind of nervous to tell you this next part. I’ve got two tattoos – okay three but I’m not counting the little dot I got to show it you didn’t hurt when you had to get marked for radiation. You let me get that one! I know you would be mortified and I’m sorry. One is the Smiley for Kylie logo and the other is the penguin picture you drew me for the marathon”

    How do you put a big grin into words?

  2. It’s an abyss…grief, that is. It can feel bottomless and sometimes you just have to wallow in it. I don’t know why, you just do. I don’t pretend to know how you feel, or why any of this happened. In fact, I don’t have the answers to very much. I do believe, with every soul of my being, though, that while God is delighted beyond measure to have Kylie with him, equally, he grieves beyond measure with you. Even though you have no idea who I am, I have been praying for you and your entire family with more urgency this past week. I hope you find some teeny bit of comfort in knowing that Kylie has touched so many people and that she is a treasure in the arms of her Savior.

    Lisa Willbrand

  3. Mark, I have hear it said when someone dies that we love, they are still always with us as we carry them in our hearts. I often feel the people who say this have never really lost someone they loved unconditionally and with their whole heart. What we really want is that person, right beside us. The MYERS FAMILY is doing a tremendous job, teaching the world about Kylie, her contagious smile, her belief that you would male a difference in the World of Childhood Cancer by telling KYLIE’S story of strength, courage, and joy as she fought Cancer. I am very sorry!

  4. I love that top photo of you and Kylie Mark. She was such a beautiful girl. I know you will see her again. And I know that you will hold her again. Until then, that hole remains and the tears fall and the heart hurts. The sun will come out after this rain, my friend. Eternity will be waiting for you.
    🙂

  5. Mark, once again you’ve brought me to tears. My heart breaks for you and your family, but please not that Kylie inspired, and continues to inspire good in so many people!! I never knew her, but I find myself thinking about her every day. I try to be a better person. I am closer to God thanks to her and her faith. She is an inspiration!! I look forward to meeting her one day! Stay strong and pushing for awareness. Cancer should die.

  6. Mark, your family’s letters to Kylie have been lovely to read even though I could feel the pain in each word. I pray you all will find peace in the wonderful memories and the love of each other as you wait for that glorious reunion.

    1. We do find much peace and happiness in the memories. Videos and pictures keep us going sometimes and as strange as it sounds, we are looking forward to that day. Thank you.

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