After being less than impressed by the solar eclipse, one of my co-workers mentioned that if she were still teaching, she could put her glasses into a time capsule. I’ve never made a time capsule.

I recall discussing the matter with my friend, Jeff when we were about ten years-old. At that point, we each had very limited offerings for a relevant time capsule: a favorite baseball card or two, a four-leaf clover (actually a three-leaf clover with the largest leaf split), some Mad Magazines and Spy vs. Spy comics, awesome fire-sided Hot Wheels, marbles, and a switchblade we bought at the local fair despite our parents’ warning us not to. We also had a healthy debate about how much food it would take to sustain Hobo, our bullfrog. We gave up on adding him because one could never know how long the time capsule would be buried.

Our naïve eyes could picture the awe and wonder with which future generations would behold our “valuables”. We just never actually got around to burying one.

So much has changed. I have more expensive things now – better junk. But the question remains – what would I put in a time capsule? What would you put in yours? What are those things that symbolize your experiences, likes, skills, and passions. Have you ever pondered the question?

Since it will be opened in the future, there are new considerations. Unlike when I last thought about it in the 70’s, technology has changed everything. No longer is on-hand knowledge limited to our shelf of World Book Encyclopedias or a bicycle ride to the library – we have everything at our fingertips. My assumption is that availability to knowledge will only increase in the future. Instead of having to look something up on a device, maybe everything will just pop into your head when you want to know it. So they will already know all about every piece of junk I could lock away.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I feel like my time capsule would be lame. I disappoint plenty of people right now, I don’t need to stretch that into future people.

Still, I came up with a few important things and I’d like to add some weird stuff just to keep them guessing.

• A picture of my family
• a saw blade with fake, dried blood to gross them out and make them wonder
• tie-dye long johns
• a Homer Simpson bank that you have to put coins in his butt
• my grandfather’s World War II Bible
• Russian nesting dolls with strange writing on them that looks like a code
• a running shoe insole preserved in a baggie so they can smell my marathons
• my favorite book, David Copperfield, in case libraries have been destroyed by aliens
• a Hawaiian leis – just because it is soothing.
• a Smiley for Kylie wristband.

I calculated the dimensions of this time capsule and the proper burial depth.

That seems like a lot of digging. It’s still pretty hot down here in Georgia and I’ve got a sprinkler system to avoid…

Then it dawned on me – I’ve got a septic tank that tells a story all its own. Forget the shovel, I’ll just let that be my time capsule. Pity the future fool who digs that up.