Those Four Little Words

My wife said those four little words that every husband wants to hear this weekend. In fact, she said them several times. She screamed those words in the basement, called to me from the kitchen, and even whispered them in the bedroom. It was a really good weekend. I love those words. After 26 years of marriage, I don’t hear them nearly often enough. But when they waft from her lips to my ears, they keep the fire burning.

Of course, like any dutiful husband, when she said them I willingly complied. No matter where I was in the house I came running. With a smile on my face I performed my duty to the best of my ability. I used to be quicker, but I was a young buck then – more concerned with just getting the job done than savoring the job itself.

I’m sorry if this is making you uncomfortable. I realize it has gotten a little personal, but I must say that I’m proud of my performance over the weekend. If I sat around with the fellas at the gym and regaled them with how many times she uttered those words to me in the past few days, I’d get high fives, “atta boys”, and maybe even a chest bump or two. I’d be a legend.

What do you imagine those words to be?

“Come here, big boy.”

“The kids are asleep.”

“Let’s get it on.”

 

Nah… Not even close.

My wife uttered the phrase that keeps me coming back:

 

“Just throw it away!”

 

I love those four little words!

From her lips to my aching back – we did it. We did it over and over again. We threw stuff away like a pair of wild rabbits cleaning out their borrow for spring.

This summer, the family has cleaned out several basement rooms, bedrooms, and more  closets than I knew we had. Over the long weekend I made multiple trips to the dump and Goodwill. It was awesome! Possibly the best weekend I’ve had in a long time.

It also begs the question, “How did we get so much stuff?”

It is seriously crazy how much junk one couple can compile. We aren’t at all rich. It’s not great stuff. It’s just stuff. There was half a storage room crammed full of things we haven’t touched since we moved into our house 19 years ago. It’s all gone now.

Wives, do you want to breath life into that relationship? Then softly whisper those four little words into his ear. Unless he’s the hoarder, I assure you he’ll respond.

Husbands, listen for once! This is how you keep a marriage alive. Spend some time throwing out the dead weight together – As long as you’re not the dead weight, disposing of it is sure to satisfy.

Neither Hot nor Cold

There comes a time in everyone’s life when technology passes you by. It seems my time has come. I’ve recently described my tempestuous relationship with our microwave (which is no better) and I am constantly struggling with my wifi, iPhone, and all things Bluetooth. My latest brouhaha is with our thermostat – and it isn’t the constant battle for supremacy between husband and wife; I lost that long ago. No, my new thermostat seems to be trying to bring religion along with total home comfort.

At the end of last summer, our upstairs air conditioner stopped working. I called the man who said the AC needed something fairly inexpensive (WIN), but both of our furnaces were in need of replacement (LOSS). Our house is eighteen years old; it is that time when systems fail. So we bit the bullet.

Along with the systems, we got a high-tech thermostat that I named Coolio (Dad joke….) I find it awesome that I can manipulate the temperature of my house with an app on my phone! Sometimes I change it a degree or two just because I can. It makes me feel some measure of control even though I know I have none.

IMG_5226

When my oldest came home from school and saw it mounted on the wall she said, “we aren’t nearly cool enough for that!”

“Au contraire, mon ami,” I exclaimed. “It doesn’t take being cool, it just takes a big check.”

Coolio and I have lived in harmony since September. He did a great job through winter of keeping the house warm. The AC man came back out recently  for a spring tune-up and said our main unit was getting close to wearing out. I told him my bank account was to and we agreed on a band-aid for this year.

And then came the season of in-between: when Atlanta’s indecisive weather can be 35 in the morning and 80 in the afternoon. Coolio was set on heat AND cool for those days… only it didn’t cool. The poor fan blew and blew but never turned off. The air wasn’t coolio.

Fear crept into my heart Friday. I began to prepare for the phone call that would cost another $5000 and bemoaned all the fun I could have with that money.

On Saturday I decided we were past the need of early morning heat and just switched Coolio to cool. To my amazement, when it signaled the air conditioner… it worked. Cold air blew through the registers. It’s a springtime miracle!

Like any old codger, I began pondering the technological facts – searching for reasons that elude me.

Heat / Cool

Hot / Cold

Hot nor Cold

That’s when it dawned on me: Coolio is quoting scripture. He’s proselytizing me… calling me out.

“So, because you are lukewarm – neither hot nor cold – I am about to spit you out of my mouth.”    –Revelation 3:16

Now I don’t mind if Coolio is some crazy street-corner prophet. I can ignore that as easy as I do the pearly-toothed televangelist. After all, I barely go down the hall. But what if God is really speaking to me through my thermostat? Is Coolio right? Am I lukewarm???

I mean, God spoke to Balaam through his donkey, why not use a thermostat in today’s day and age?

I don’t know what’s going on here. I’m just glad I don’t have to get a new AC right now. But if Coolio flashes an address for me to send a donation in exchange for healing, I’ll know he’s in cahoots with the televangelists. When that day comes, Coolio will be Gonio.