There comes a time in everyone’s life when technology passes you by. It seems my time has come. I’ve recently described my tempestuous relationship with our microwave (which is no better) and I am constantly struggling with my wifi, iPhone, and all things Bluetooth. My latest brouhaha is with our thermostat – and it isn’t the constant battle for supremacy between husband and wife; I lost that long ago. No, my new thermostat seems to be trying to bring religion along with total home comfort.
At the end of last summer, our upstairs air conditioner stopped working. I called the man who said the AC needed something fairly inexpensive (WIN), but both of our furnaces were in need of replacement (LOSS). Our house is eighteen years old; it is that time when systems fail. So we bit the bullet.
Along with the systems, we got a high-tech thermostat that I named Coolio (Dad joke….) I find it awesome that I can manipulate the temperature of my house with an app on my phone! Sometimes I change it a degree or two just because I can. It makes me feel some measure of control even though I know I have none.
When my oldest came home from school and saw it mounted on the wall she said, “we aren’t nearly cool enough for that!”
“Au contraire, mon ami,” I exclaimed. “It doesn’t take being cool, it just takes a big check.”
Coolio and I have lived in harmony since September. He did a great job through winter of keeping the house warm. The AC man came back out recently for a spring tune-up and said our main unit was getting close to wearing out. I told him my bank account was to and we agreed on a band-aid for this year.
And then came the season of in-between: when Atlanta’s indecisive weather can be 35 in the morning and 80 in the afternoon. Coolio was set on heat AND cool for those days… only it didn’t cool. The poor fan blew and blew but never turned off. The air wasn’t coolio.
Fear crept into my heart Friday. I began to prepare for the phone call that would cost another $5000 and bemoaned all the fun I could have with that money.
On Saturday I decided we were past the need of early morning heat and just switched Coolio to cool. To my amazement, when it signaled the air conditioner… it worked. Cold air blew through the registers. It’s a springtime miracle!
Like any old codger, I began pondering the technological facts – searching for reasons that elude me.
Heat / Cool
Hot / Cold
Hot nor Cold
That’s when it dawned on me: Coolio is quoting scripture. He’s proselytizing me… calling me out.
“So, because you are lukewarm – neither hot nor cold – I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” –Revelation 3:16
Now I don’t mind if Coolio is some crazy street-corner prophet. I can ignore that as easy as I do the pearly-toothed televangelist. After all, I barely go down the hall. But what if God is really speaking to me through my thermostat? Is Coolio right? Am I lukewarm???
I mean, God spoke to Balaam through his donkey, why not use a thermostat in today’s day and age?
I don’t know what’s going on here. I’m just glad I don’t have to get a new AC right now. But if Coolio flashes an address for me to send a donation in exchange for healing, I’ll know he’s in cahoots with the televangelists. When that day comes, Coolio will be Gonio.
9 thoughts on “Neither Hot nor Cold”
Cracking up here! Coolio? hahahaha
It’s the perfect name.
I love this and can so identify. and here’s to the prophet, coolio.
Prophet? I’ll have to get him a staff or something.
Isn’t that just like God?
I mean, there is probably a perfectly good sound system that could deliver a crystal clear, unambiguous message – but nooooo, God has to speak through a thermostat.
Whoops, gotta go, a crystal clear, unambiguous message has just been delivered by lightning to my deck.
Can’t make it too easy. Otherwise we’d get fat and complacent…. wait.
I think you’re on to something.
The answer to the Life, the Universe and everything is NOT 42!
Mind has been blown.
Let’s keep looking for signs!