I never understood the purpose for labor unions. I always thought they were mainly the reason for inflated car prices and jobs moving overseas. I’ve seen several movies about them where they are portrayed as corrupt fronts for mafia crime. Who needs that? The internet seems to agree with their general seediness – so it has to be true.
Okay, I do see the historical need for child labor laws and protection for workers in dangerous industries such as mining and longshoremen. I have no idea what a longshoreman is, but I want to be one because would be awesome on a business card:
Mark Myers Longshoreman
But seriously, bakers need a union?
While we’re at it, check these out:
The International Union of Allied Novelty and Production Workers (protecting against heinous rubber chicken incidents since 1957)
Jockey’s Guild (working hard in the fight against hemorrhoids and saddle sores)
Programmers Guild (mostly an online dating site for COBOL users – like Ashley Madison, all they need is a few women.)
Don’t even get me started with pro sports unions! Seriously? Those pampered athletes have no clue what the working class goes through (unless you weigh over 250 and can bench press much more than that – then you know everything, sir and I apologize for disparaging your very necessary collective bargaining organization.)
I didn’t think there was a reason for organized labor until today. Now I know. I have been trod upon by big business and I’m not going to take it any longer. I am calling for an all-out strike of my industry. No longer will we accept adverse working conditions and subhuman treatment. We won’t be subjected to an unproductive environment that demeans our very existence. For too long we have moiled and toiled, sweated blood, and sold our souls for the common good of no one other than The Man. It is time for a change.
I see the rights ascribed to the worker by this fine country. They are pasted on the breakroom walls.
We demand those RIGHTS!
No longer shall we be ignored, broken, and pushed aside.
We demand PROPER WORKING CONDITIONS!
We demand FAIRNESS!
We demand JUSTICE!
We demand that the coffee maker be fixed before we return the office!
Okay, forget all that other stuff and please, please, please fix the coffee maker. PLEASE!