Tom Brady, By Gawd
For the average fan, it isn’t often when your team makes it to the Super Bowl. There are exceptions, of course, but most of us don’t see our team there every year. I painfully remember the Falcons last trip. We were a huge underdog to the Denver Broncos and true to predictions, got steamrolled.
I went into that game with just a tiny sliver of hope, but this year feels different. This Falcons team is a good one – the best offense in the league and an emerging, hard-hitting defense. We aren’t the favorite, but it wouldn’t shock the sports world if we won. Unless you live in Boston. Because to the blowhards up there, we are a bunch of backwards yocals who can’t tie our shoes and there… well there, they have Tom Brady, by Gawd.
Listen to the wind and you’ll hear the Northeastern arrogance flowing like vintage 1773 tea!
To hear Patriots fans tell it, our lowly team has no business disgracing the Super Bowl. We don’t have the tradition necessary to get this far. The Falcons and our miserable history are just cobblestones for their illustrious tradition to trounce on. To listen to them, the Falcons shouldn’t even bother making the trip to Houston. Why would we even try against Tom Brady, by Gawd? Just read this tripe from a Brady jock-sniffer from the Boston Globe.
After the way Roger Goodell tried to interfere, it’s personal this year for Tom Brady – and Tom Brady gets what he wants, by Gawd. Soon we will be seeing clever new clips of adoring fans Matt Damon and Ben Aflack acting gobsmacked, like we don’t know they have Brady on speed dial.
And truth be told, we envy your recent prosperity. The run Belichek and Brady have been on is unprecedented. But lest you forget, this success could be Cleveland’s had they not had an itchy trigger finger. Not to take anything away from the last decade, but
the Patriots were irrelevant in the NFL until this confluence of coach and quarterback.
You were, in short… us.
You ran through coaches, tallied losing seasons (even a 1-15 season you’ve likely forgotten), and got blown out in the Super Bowl. Remember Da Bears? You will be irrelevant again and the rest of the country will be happy to not have to listen to your arrogant gawd-awful butchering of the English language.
When that happens, you will be crying in your Sam Adams and screaming, “Tom Brady, by Gawd” to anyone who will listen.
Only no one will.
Rise Up Falcons! Please let this be the beginning of the end of northern aggression.