Can You Smell Maturity?

This could possibly be a reflection of my utter immaturity, but I have shown signs lately that I actually might be growing. I have spent 47 years barely registering a score on the Lipsching Scale of Maturity which rates maturity in humans from 1-30. According to Dr. Lipsching, ultimate mature is a 30 and infantile is a 1. Thus far I have lived my life at a 3, but maybe now I am finally hovering at a 7 – which is exponential growth for me but still represents an incredible lack of refinement.


How do I know I’m making strides?

We had visitors for the weekend. New friends with young kids, the kind of kids that run all over the place and make tons of noise. My kids are older now and don’t run unless they are being chased and even then, maybe not. More likely they would analyze the threat and play possum figuring potential death is better than exertion. They aren’t much for running. As for noise, mine make incoherent grunts and occasional complaints. But they are grown up noises, not high pitched squealing and constant chatter.

These kids made NOISE! The kind of noise that accompanies unadulterated fun. Constant buzzing noise that swept through our house and caught us all up in its whirlwind.

It was wonderful!

It has been a long time since we parented little ones. We’ve moved past that phase.

I classify parenthood into three phases, each builds on the other. You can’t jump into phase three without knowing and experiencing phases one and two. I suppose you can if you are thrust into it by adoption or marriage, but that would present numerous challenges. Likewise, once you move to a new phase you can’t go back. Again, you can if forced, but you might need a straightjacket or a fully stocked wet bar to get you through.

Phases of Parenthood According to Mark

Phase 1 – Cuteness, Poop, and Drool        BABY

Phase 2 – The Age of Destruction         TODDLER to PUBERTY

Phase 3 – The Age of Hormonal Dysfunction      TEENAGER to “THANK GOD THEY ARE OUT OF THE HOUSE!”

We are in the last phase. It has its ups and downs. The house stays neater, but I sometimes miss the chaos of phase 2.

Enter our guests, or as I’ll call them, The Seattle Tsunami. This is where I think I am growing up because a few years ago if kids had come over and blown the roof off, I would have been tense. I would have gotten quiet and reserved as I tabulated the costs of their destruction like an insurance adjuster. I think I would have had to excuse myself several times while a cried over spilt milk.

Maybe it’s because I’m older, maybe it is because I have gotten a life lesson in what really matters, or maybe I’m preparing for the shake-them-up-and-send-them-home grandparenting years. Whatever it is, I had a ball! I loved every second of it and didn’t flinch. In fact, I joined right in. One time the two year old came upstairs holding a curtain rod like a javelin and rather than panic, I gave him instructions on proper technique. I wrestled, laughed, and played like I haven’t in a long time.

This weekend, I came to the following conclusion:

I don’t own anything that can’t be repaired, repainted, or replaced.

Nothing! Experience is king. Enjoy, kids!

Oh, and if you planned on Googling Lipsching and his theory, PPTHHPTHPFFTHPPPT!!!! Gotcha!

14 thoughts on “Can You Smell Maturity?

  1. I am still at a -10 on the Lipsching scale.

    Whenever the grand kids come over, my wife pulls them aside and lectures them. “Do NOT get grandpa all sugared up and excited. If you do YOU will have to take him home with you, Okay?”

  2. Hey! When the kids were here recently I had moments of reading comic books with them and discussing why so and so did such and such as well as leaping out and going book from a hidden vantage point and scaring their mom to the point they were in stitches! Pffffttt to maturity!

  3. Mark – what a fabulous post. it is very true every material object can be replaced. it is what I tell my Grandchildren if something breaks. That is just a thing, it can be fixed or replaced, their heart can’t. You write the best blogs. I am so glad I met you because you are exactly how I pictured you. A combination of serious and funny – a real person. Meeting you was on my list of Hope’s at CUREFEST but I doubted it would happen. One because I figured in that crowd Inwould never see you. Two, because I don’t usually go up to people, I don’t know. My reserve is on high alert until I know you well. But there you were standing facing the stage, I took off in pursuit and you were on the move to the table behind the stage. I met you, we talked and I walked back to my husband , saying I just met Mark Myers. Meeting Kylie’s Dad, father to three other girls, loving husband and enormous Childhood Cancer advocate was important for several reason but most of all because your blogs inspire me ! Thanks

    1. Thank you Margy. It was a pleasure to meet you at Curefest. I think it is the rare experience to get to the place where things don’t matter unless you are a grandparent or have a life-altering crisis. So I’m ready for the grandparent phase! Blessings to you.

  4. Me and Titus my newest grandson. 2 years old. I could spend days telling about our adventures. Yes ours. You see I always make sure I get my part of the adventure haha. I am so glad you enjoyed yourself Mark. I can totally relate. What a refreshing story.

    Blessings my friend

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