Whybrows?

I’ve got some complaints. First, why on earth would God install a worthless organ that does nothing besides rupture and cause complications? My appendix has yet to burst, but we are all ticking time bombs just waiting for the that day.

Consider this:

735,000 Americans have heart attacks each year.

680,000 Americans have appendicitis annually.

We know the purpose and necessity of the heart. Further, most of those heart attacks are preventable through diet and proper attention. But we can do nothing about our appendix and we don’t need it anyway. What’s up with that?

While we are examining the superfluous, what is the purpose of eyebrows? Seriously? If you look that up, you’ll only get hypothetical channeling of sweat and facial expressions. Facial expressions – seriously? What would we possibly be if we couldn’t furl our brows, knit our brows, or raise an eyebrow?

Just for giggles, watch this little girl discover her eyebrows.

 

And let’s analyze the other “purpose”. Unless you have a unibrow, what good is it to have them separated – leaving a gaping hole in the middle for sweat to pour through? They are as worthless as a bow-legged goalie.

So, the only actual functional eyebrow is the unibrow – that people pluck, wax, and shave to get rid of because no one wants to get caught with an unsightly unibrow.

 

When I was a boy, my hair was so blond that my eyebrows were nearly invisible. In fact, I’ve been told that I checked the mirror often for them and wouldn’t believe I had eyebrows at all. My hair has darkened over the years and sometime in my early forties, I was sitting in the barber’s chair when out of the blue, she asked, “Do you want your eyebrow hair trimmed?”

We were friends until the point where she crossed that line. I silently pondered her question, finally deciding that she wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t need them trimmed and I elected to have her do so.

But this caused a stirring of several questions. Why do they grow now? Why does God mock us with ridiculous extra hair as we age? I bought a shaver to take care of God’s little joke from now on. It has a guard so that I won’t cut them too close and most of the time I remember to check it.

Then one day, I discovered a purpose for eyebrows!

As with many scientific discoveries, it happened quite by accident. A check in the mirror showed many crazy hairs and I pulled out the shaver – you guessed it, without the guard. In an instant, my right eyebrow was gone. I stood there looking at myself in disbelief just like when I was a boy.

Once one is gone, you pretty much have to shave the other to even it out.

And there it is!

The purpose of eyebrows is to keep people from looking at you like you are a complete moron. Because when they are gone, people sure do stare.

 

 

 

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16 thoughts on “Whybrows?

  1. Yeah, well….. eyebrows are a thing but wait until you have hair growing wildly out of your ears!!

    Me (looking in a mirror): Holy Moly! Hey hon, why didn’t you tell me I had an inch of hair growing out of my ears?

    Her: I dunno, I figured you would take care of it when you finally noticed it.

    Me: It looks ridiculous. I count on you to tell me these things.

    Her: You want the list now?

  2. That is too funny!!!!! sorry for your loss…
    But you know the science teacher in me is going to correct your assessment of the appendix. While it is true we can live without it, it has been proven to function as a part of our immune system! 🙂

  3. just don’t try that with an arm. ) i think they are not only to keep you from looking like an alien, but to shield your eyes from rain, dust and other things in the universe.

      1. How do the eyebrows protect the eye?
        Eyebrows are the Swiss Army Knife of the human body—they do everything! First and foremost, they protect your eyes. The shape of the brow ridge and the brows themselves channel sweat, rain, and moisture away from the eyeballs so your vision stays clear. Second, they’re essential for nonverbal communication.Aug 22, 2014

        (i love that they are the swiss army knives of the body) i wonder what our other parts would be the equivalent of?

      2. That is a great term! 😃 But there wasn’t enough substance in the rest of it for me. Maybe it’s more like the spork of the human body.

  4. Oh my gosh! Really? I’m sure you’re a sight for sore eyes right now. Hahaha.
    I also had very blonde hair when I was little. I would stare in the bathroom mirror and cry because my ‘eyebrows’ fell off.
    🙂

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