It is fitting that I spend this day, my 22nd wedding anniversary, with my lovely bride at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta. We are here together waiting for Kylie to get out of minor surgery. We have never made a huge deal of our anniversary – sometimes a nice dinner out but often just too much going on with our four children to make it work. I’m embarrassed to say there have been years when a kiss and a card is all we could muster. Suffice it to say that there will not be a banner celebration this year, either.
Year 22 has been challenging to say the least. Not in a contentious way, I am happy to report that we have never been more united. But when I review the years, this is one that I would like stricken from the record. I wish I could pull this book off the shelf and let 21 fall lazily into 23. It proves the need for the “better or worse, in sickness and in health” portion of the vows we stood up and said when I was but a wet-nosed pup.
Even though April’s cancer diagnosis has made the year regrettable, I have learned much about my wife and our marriage. In fact, I’ve learned things I will never give back.
I learned my wife has a seemingly infinite supply of tears that no words of mine can dry. My shoulder has been wetted by them far too often. I wish I had a magic word to make them stop, but only time and tenderness sooth the pain.
Likewise, I have learned my wife’s care for those she loves has no limit.
I have learned my wife is the most unselfish person I know. She has put her life completely on hold this year and not voiced one word of complaint about what she is missing.
I’ve shared the boat when the storm is high and seen her reach levels of peace that can only be called supernatural.
I have seen that she can be her loved one’s greatest advocate, stopping at nothing to get what her patient needs and letting no one interfere with her.
I know that she might not remember to take her phone off silent for days on end, but she can quickly recall exact medication, doses, and the last time given.
I have found she has strength and resolve I could only imagine prior to this year.
I have seen her ignore her own pain and seek ways to lessen the pain of her patient.
Although she hates camping, I have learned that she will sleep on an uncomfortably hard couch beside a hospital bed for nights on end if someone she loves needs her there.
Speaking of sleep, I have been reminded that she needs very little and will sacrifice it completely if she is needed during the night.
With only twenty-four hours in the day and a relentless schedule of caregiving, she seems to have created time and invented special ways to make the rest of us in the family feel loved.
I now know that her faith, hope, and love are boundless.
All in all, I have seen God reaffirm just how blessed I am that she had a momentary lapse of reason and chose me. I always thought I would be the elderly and infirmed patient that required her care first. I wish that were the case. When I grow old and start falling apart, I’m sure I will test her patience with surprising wimpiness and irrational demands. With what I’ve seen this year, I know I will be in excellent hands.
So today, I will whisper a Happy Anniversary to her while Kylie sleeps off the anesthesia. Sometimes through sickness and tragedy we learn things. Every day this year, I have seen the tender way she cares for her girl and learned a little more about just how lucky I am.
When I get older losing my hair
Many years from now
Will you still be sending me a valentine
Birthday greetings, bottle of wine?
If I’d been out till quarter to three
Would you lock the door?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me
When I’m sixty-four
20 thoughts on “What I Learned About My Wife This Year”
Blessings and love to all of you Mark. After twenty two years of love through thick and thin, here’s to many more decades of peace and joy.
Amen! I’ll lift a cup to that!
Congrats to you both and may you be blessed with many more years together 🙂
Thank you! I think of all the stupid things I’ve said and wonder how we got this far.
Love, tolerance, and as hubs has said “I’m not doing conjugal prison visits!” 😉
Haha. I love that.
Ha! We’re celebrating our sixth today. Twenty-Two and we’ll be real old-timers. 🙂
Congrats! A very good day.
congrats and happy anniversary to you and your entire family, you have everything that is precious in this world and you know it. wishing your daughter a sooner, rather than later, road to recovery.
Thank you Beth. I hope the road is short as well!
Happy Anniversary to both of y’all! Sometimes just sharing a card & coffee or a dinner date is celebration enough amidst the craziness of life with kids. May y’all always remember to count your blessings because they truly are many. Going through life side by side and holding one another up is the best gift of Christian marriage and y’all bear witness to that every day. Thanks for sharing your heart so that it may inspire others to be more Christlike.
You all remain in our prayers 🙂
Beautiful words! Robin has been an amazing example to us all! As have you, little brother! Congratulations on 22 years! Thanks for the example your marriage has been for us all.
What a beautiful post, Mark. I have tears in my eyes. Your love is so clear in these gentle observations. Happy anniversary, and may year 23 bring peace to you both. Sending you all my very best.
Thank you so much, Val. I hope year 23 is one for the ages.
A very special woman, a very special man. May you share many more years with your lovely children. I wish you peace.
Thank you Donna. We could use peace.
Being men, we know our spouses are better than us. It is why we love them so much and why we try so hard to be deserving of the love they give us.
It’s unmerited grace. Trying is the key word, right?
Mark, I know this was written awhile ago. Since then even more sadness and heart break has entered your lives as a family when Kylie died. This post however remains a truly touching affirmation for your wife the the kind person, she is. I will never know your family but reading the blogs makes me feel, I know them, a little. You are all amazing. Margy
Thank you Margy. She is amazing and all of the things I learned still hold true.