I am excited to announce the April 9th release of Missing Kylie!
What is it, you ask?
Missing Kylie is a compilation of my writing from Kylie’s diagnosis to the first anniversary of her death. Like everything I write, I have tried to mix laughter together with the heartache of cancer treatment and losing a child. You’ll smile some, cry more – and most importantly, I believe you will feel something while reading it. And despite what my macho side has told me all of these years, feelings are good.
The book contains short chapters, many of which started as blog posts, and it is divided into three sections: The Struggle, The Loss, and The Search for Meaning. Although it is organized chronologically, it is less a history of treatment and more a tango with God as I try to maintain my faith through the hardest two years any parent could imagine.
While we struggled through her treatment, I believed without a doubt that she would be completely healed and become a living testimony to God’s faithfulness and goodness. That hope can be sensed in my writing and, quite honestly, compiling and editing it made me feel somewhat foolish in light of the end result. On her last day here on earth, I remember being on my knees in our basement with her life ebbing away above me, crying and begging God to change direction or take me instead, believing with certainty that He could do either. But that’s not the ending He chose. When I asked Him to heal her, God said no.
Losing Kylie was a devastating blow in so many ways. It is hard to reconcile the sovereign God that I have served all of my adult life with the pain of this loss. It simply isn’t fair. Her loss leaves so many questions and doubts that have me stumbling through the wilderness without foreseeable direction. Yet as I navigate this wilderness of no, I have seen God’s fingerprints constantly coating my life and the lives of my wife and children.
I don’t have answers. Through my search for meaning in this experience, I have found that sometimes faith requires submission without them, and that is the hardest kind of faith. Though I feel the pain of her loss every day, I still believe in a loving God who chose a path I will never understand.
If you have followed her story and read my blog throughout, you might wonder if you’ve already read everything contained inside of Missing Kylie. You haven’t. There are several things in the book that I wrote during the journey, but wasn’t emotionally ready to release until now. There is also a beautiful letter Kylie wrote to a friend just before she died. That treasure was given to us weeks after her death and it shows her uncanny maturity and faith.
The goal of Missing Kylie is threefold:
- To reach a wider audience with Kylie’s story.
- To share my messy faith to hurting people in a genuine and authentic manner.
- To raise money and awareness for safer and more effective treatments for childhood cancer.
I see this book as a launching point to the ultimate book I would like to write about Kylie’s ability to steal joy back from the terrible situation she was forced to endure. I believe that could be a great source of encouragement to many people.
I selected April 9th as the release date because it is the second anniversary of Kylie’s diagnosis with cancer. In light of that:
Proceeds from the sale of this book will be used to fight childhood cancer in memory of my baby girl.
Upon its release, I will publish a link to Amazon.com.