On Social Convention

I’d like to register a complaint. Actually, I have several. I’m not sure who to talk to and perhaps I would have to build a time machine and go back into history to right this wrong. But do you ever look at some accepted social convention and wonder,

What the **insert appropriate word here depending on your degree of anger** were they thinking?

 

Seriously! There are so many things we accept because tradition demands it and quite frankly, I’m sick of it!

  • How did all of the fathers of sons get together and force their counterparts to pay for weddings?
  • What about curse words? Who got to rank their value and decide that seventeen can’t be said while the other 1,035,860 are okay?
  • Who developed finger protocol? One points, two hail a cab or make a sign for peace, three mean you’re always prepared, a fist for protest, and then the special one saved for correcting poor drivers.

How did things like this happen? Did these mores evolve over time or is there one person responsible like a Wizard of Oz who just pulled levers at his whim and the forced the Lollipop Guild to live by his fancy? If so, I would like to pull back the curtain and slap him because he has messed us all up.

One more accepted norm that I’m particularly incensed about at the moment. Who decided glass and breakable ceramics should be what we use to eat, drink, and store foody things? Why is that a good idea? Further – with all of these breakable things about, why do we buy solid surface counters like granite. Geology 101 taught me that granite is a rock and every boy got in trouble for throwing rocks at some point. I can’t even imagine the consequences if I had hurled a rock at my mother’s china. So based on every boy’s experience, rocks and foody things are a bad combination.

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Then we grow up, become men, and at the behest of our wives invest serious cash in solid surfaces on which we break kitchenware.

Does anyone else see a problem here? Something that demands change? I want to throw a rock at social convention!

Therefore, I propose all countertops and kitchen flooring should be made of Nerf foam. Likewise, plates, cups, cutlery, and storage containers for foody things should only be made of wood or metal. Think of the benefits and savings. No more broken china – even if a fit of marital rage demands throwing the gravy boat! No regrets in the morning because the metal boat bounced right back up onto the Nerf counter intact. Pure genius.

 

***This proposal brought to you by the man currently in line at Target buying his fifth glass canister to hold his coffee grounds because his big, clumsy mitts can’t seem to properly grasp the lids…

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15 thoughts on “On Social Convention

  1. I am with you bro. What about how many pens does a person need in their desk or do we really need to save every single pdf file we can come across? Love this Mark. Greatest question why is the moon round? From my youngest son 32 years ago.

    Peace to you

  2. Guilty as charged with granite in the kitchen but the only breakables are dinnerware and glasses. Storing things in is relegated to metal or plastic except for the one sugar bowl which matches the plates 🙂

  3. I was just going to ask you what you broke… then you answered the question. I’ve pondered many of these things before – especially the curse words. It seems that each generation is more accepting of “bad” words, though, so give a few years and nothing will be off limits.

  4. My wife got into a lot of trouble when she first came to the US (English is her 2nd language) and went to a Bible college…let’s just say a lot of very sheltered kids heard many words that my wife didn’t know were supposed to be “bad”…:D

    1. That’s interesting. Words are odd things. My littlest kept calling people morons when she was a toddler. Not that this is really bad, but coming from a two-year old, it wasn’t optimal. Turns out she was getting it from riding in her grandmother’s car! So funny.

  5. I’ll give you one such entity at which to throw a big “ROCK.” Why are words allowed to be added to the dictionary because of their “considerable useage?” Therein lies a giant offender in public verbiage. Some “thing” should not be allowed just because it is favored, especially when it starts out on the wrong foot of humankind. I needed to replace floors so I was going to go “cork.” Would have to sell my house to purchase cork flooring. Same would be with “nerf” countertops. I believe they would also be sadly “unaffordable.” Tsk. Tsk.

  6. i think it’s probably just a coincidence that the same man who was in line at target also wrote this post. but then again, the world is full of coincidences. )

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