Back in the day, there were these two brothers, Tom & Andy, who I really looked up to – the eldest especially. I remember they lived in my neighborhood, both drove motorcycles, and worked on old cars and motorcycles in their yard, where I got to be the wrench monkey. Tom played keyboard in a band and had that awesome 70’s hair, perfectly parted in the middle with wings. When they fixed up a bike, they would power up and down the street while I would sit under a tree and watch, dreaming I was on the bike.
One glorious day, Andy invited me on. It must have been forbidden by his brother, because he waited until Tom wasn’t home. We went around the block then onto the dirt ball field of the school yard where he told me to hold on. Only I didn’t hear him. So when he popped up on one wheel, I flew off the bike onto my backside. Surprisingly, it didn’t hurt much. I was up and dusted off by the time he circled back. I remember distinctly Andy asking me if I was okay, then swearing me to secrecy as we walked back to his house. I’ve not ridden a motorcycle since. I don’t think I’m afraid of them, just never had an opportunity or desire (I haven’t climbed in a shark cage or run with bulls, either). As a driver, I do watch out for motorcycles. I respect the signs and stickers that say, “Save a Life, Look Twice, Motorcyles are Everywhere.”
My Lovely Wife has had a tough year leading an organization at our kids’ school. I won’t bore you with details, suffice it to say, the children have been delightful. A few days ago, she received a rather curt text related to her office and read me her reply. I asked her to read it again. When she did, she decided it was a little harsh and we talked about how to change it. Look Twice, Save a Life. Or maybe a relationship – even if it is precariously dangling off the back of a speeding motorcycle.
I’ve gotten pretty good at this over the years, which would come as a shock to some. If you could see my elementary and middle school report cards, the comments would almost all say: “Mark needs to think before he speaks”. It’s like there was a conspiracy between them – or possibly a pattern of behavior. I’m voting conspiracy. Now that I’ve matured (some), I actually have a pretty good verbal filter. I also often type replies to texts and emails and reread them before I send them. You can type what you really want to say as long as you don’t push send. I have now learned to not put a name in the email header just in case you push send out of routine before deleting the anger. Yeah, I did that once and it was kinda ugly.
6 Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.
Colossians 4:6
A modern day application of this is our non-verbal speech: text, email, IM, and others. It is actually easier to saltify than speech since we have the chance to preview before sending. Has your first draft ever needed some grace salted in? Did you send or type twice?
A Generous Helping 
Did i ever. There was a girl under me at my job several years ago who kept giving me HER work. I texted another girl to tell her about it but sent it to the one i was annoyed at instead. Ouch! So i played it off like i had done that as a joke. Never again!
Oh wow! That’s pretty much how I learned to stop putting names on emails until they were ready – only it was boss who got the email. It was a long time ago, but it taught me a valuable lesson.
Good post, Mark.
Thank you, who!
I agree wholeheartedly with breathing deep and reading twice before hitting send. “Tone is in the ear of the reader”, unfortunately. I’ve found myself picking up the phone before things can get out of scope. I find myself wondering if I’m “reading” with a friendly ear having been misunderstood so many times.
That is a profound quote about tone and you’re spot on.
Other peoples offense is a trap I try not to get myself tangled in. And other people seem to be offended often, by the smallest things, especially texts, emails, and Facebook posts. Sometimes it makes me wonder how it all gets going.
Facebook can be a trap in many ways. Good addition
Great advice.
Keep in mind when you are upset, what you write will outlast your anger.
That is borderline philosophical.
That’s a line I never cross. 🙂
Hey Mark. Great post. That’s actually something that I’ve been learning over the past little while too. For me, the big verse was in James 1:19 – “be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry”. There is great wisdom in remaining silent. Something that’s never been that easy for this extraverted, speak-before-she-thinks girl.
Blessings =)
It isn’t easy for me, either. But with age comes a little wisdom. Thanks and have a great weekend.
Yes, those words are very true. Now that I’m 40 I understand that a bit better and I’m loving it. My expectation is that there’s just more to learn as grow older and older.
You have a great weekend too.
=)
Even on Facebook or instant messaging, jokes can come out wrong. Yup, I’ve certainly been guilty of sending not-so-nice emails, that should have been edited better to have good words with grace. Should be easier to do, since it’s not face to face. But how sometimes we even get lazy or inconsiderate at that. Great post reminder!
Thank you for stopping by. I just takes a second to proof yourself, but we often forget. Too bad we can’t edit our speech all the time.