The wifi in my eldest daughter’s laptop died recently. Being the home’s Chief Technology Officer, I worked through the handy troubleshoot on the system which told me it was working perfectly. Of course, the inability to connect to the internet and the distraught look on my poor daughter’s face told me it wasn’t. No worries, I bought a USB dongle and she was up and running.
Little did I know that my trouble-shooting skills would soon be needed again. A week ago, she informed me that her dongle wasn’t working. Of course, at 11:15, my system was shut down, so I didn’t pay much attention and went to bed. When I awoke, I realized it wasn’t her computer – there was a wholesale internet outage in the house!
I think that is mentioned in Revelation, isn’t it? The Mark of the Beast and the inability to access High-Speed Wireless is in chapter 13, if I remember correctly. I looked outside and it didn’t appear the Battle of Armageddon had begun yet. A check of the beds told me the wife and kids were still here, so the rapture hadn’t left me behind (Whew!)
But I still had no internet.
This has happened before and I fixed it. What did I do? Oh yeah, I unplugged it and it rebooted itself. So I pulled the plug and let it regenerate. Unfortunately, the light blinking was still red long after power was restored. So I called my ever-helpful internet service provider and got stuck in the web of automated attendants who sound helpful, but are very patronizing. Don’t they know I am the CTO? That should give me some status, I would think.
My biggest problem wasn’t the self-righteous know-it-all computer voice on the other end of the phone, it was the fact that my cell phone service is spotty in the basement where the router resides. So I put the phone on speaker and listened as best I could. Like a rat pushing through a maze, I found the tech support cheese after seventeen minutes and the new, smarter sounding Tech Support Weenie voice tells me we are going to have to restart the system.
TSW: I will now tell you how to restart your system. This is a medium level procedure and will take approximately 3-5 minutes.
Okay
TSW: Can you see your internet router?
Yes
TSW: Please find the power cable on the back of the router and say yes when you’ve found it.
Got it
TSW: I didn’t understand you.
Er… Yes
TSW: Trace the cable to the electric outlet. Unplug the cable and wait 10 seconds before plugging it back in.
Well, that’s what I did before, but okay
TSW: Did this solve your problem?
NO!
At that point, my spotty cell service affected my ability to clearly hear the next steps in the process. What I am pretty sure it said was for me to disconnect all cables, kick the box across the room, plug it back in and see if any lights were blinking. Repeat until no lights function.
Done!
After I hung up, I went to work early and left this note on the floor:
The good news, there is free wifi at the hotel, but I really wish they would call.
A Generous Helping 
Hahahahahahaha thank you for the laugh!!! It is so frustrating when the internet is down or as in our case running so very slow. Good luck I hope the family calls you soon. 😊😊
I followed the bread crumbs and made it home after the repairman came out. Such a first world problem, but so huge for teenagers.
Glad you made it home. It sure is the end of the world to teenagers 🙂
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
Superb!!
i have lived this mark, and you made me spit my coffee, (luckily not onto my laptop). it is such a frustrating process trying to get help and unfortunately i am truly ‘tech challenged’ so it’s not a good combination. i think you did exactly the right thing in the end )
Yeah, but the hotel bill is getting steep! 😉
Hey I feel the pain of your children. When we moved and it was going to take 2 freaking weeks before they could set us up at our new abode I spent a lot of time in coffee shops until DH got me this thingy that let me connect. It was pricey but he said his safety was worth it 🙂
Haha. Smart man…
…
…
“Girls, how can we make the best of this gift?”
They taped it to the door. Kind of a reminder of where I stand.
Tech Support Weenie…:D I figured it out: You need a morning radio show, Mark. It’ll go big! Use the LIP brand–it’ll work!
I watched them do a radio show recently. That’s tougher work than I had imagined. I’m better when I can rewrite and edit a few times. Live is scary and dangerous.
Love your note – I’m still on the floor laughing – you actually think you’re going to be let back in?!?!? 🙄
Once the router guy came and got them up and running, they couldn’t figure out how to reacess the wireless printer. So they caved and let me in. I’m doing it one laptop at a time to prolong my stay.
Good for you! Can you stall till dinner time?
I’m going now to unplug my router!
Wow! You have BAD internet karma. This is the message that popped up when I tried to post my comment: Server Maintenance
Your server is going through a few minutes of routine maintenance. Please don’t touch your browser for a few minutes.
What do I do?
If you were posting a comment or making a post on your blog then do not press BACK on your browser. Wait 5 minutes and press the refresh icon on your browser. Your comment or post will be sent as normal.
If you are browsing a blog here just wait a few moments and hit refresh. The page you were expecting will appear.
Sorry my karma rubbed off. We are up and running now and they let me return…
Lol. Hilarious Mark. I hate it when my internet goes down. You think you have problems with the automated help? We have problems with the ‘real person’ help. One time the internet went down on Friday afternoon. Saturday morning we called. They said that maintenance was happening and that it should be up again by night. Sunday morning no service. Hubby called again and we had some other answer. Finally on Monday, hubby called again. It ended up being that some phone company came and installed a phone wire in the same post that our connection was and he took out our connection to accomodate his. Hmph! Gotta love it. They lied to us the whole weekend. Then the audacity of the other phone company taking out our wire.
Hope you’re finally home.
🙂
Ouch. That would stink! Yes, they finally opened the door for me. They needed the printer installed and the guy was done. 😉
Lol.
🙂
haha a great post! Yes, it seems life is so friendly when the internet cannot be accessed. “Oh, while I wait for the internet to work, I will just pay the bills. Oh wait, that is online.”
“I know, I will do some work for my clients. Wait, I need the net for that too!”
Argh!!! lol. Hope it’s all working now. It’s amazing how quickly my hubby goes out to buy something as soon as it breaks, like the TV remote or something he uses!!
When our internet goes down, I go out and buy something and only come back when it is working again. It is amazing what we have trouble living without anymore!
Thanks for stopping by.
We just recently got WI-FI, but we have no idea how or why it works. Our grown son came to visit, bought a router and hooked it up, and then flew back home. We’re clueless and this is not faster!
I am not calling tech support, they scare me. 🙂